Trait Example - Sentence Fluency


Advanced/5:

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Caution-Danger Ahead

It was a nice sumer's day. My family and I were up in the mountains on our way to go camping. Nothing could go wrong, or could it?

We were driving up a bumpy gravel road. We had to take it slow to prevent sliding. My sister and I were in the back of the car admiring the beautiful view of the forest. I was so excited to go camping. It was the perfect day, until the incident.

We had driven a few miles and only seen a couple of cars pass us so far. It was pretty calm. Up ahead I noticed that we were approaching a bend in the road. You could see nothing past it, and so my dad proceeded to drive slower. I remember reading a magazine and all of a sudden I had a gut feeling to look up. I was in shock as I saw a gray truck speeding towards us. It was as if it had come out from nowhere. A rush of fear ran through my body. From the moment I saw the car, time felt as though it was running in slow motion. I knew exactly what was going to happen and yet I could do nothing to stop it. I felt like I was trapped in a cage with no way to escape.


Acceptable/3:

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Heading West

Friday afternoon, for Andy, was beginning to feel longer than Friday morning. The moment had finally come, the moment had had been waiting for since last year. Today after school, Andy and his father would take off and go to West Yellowstone to fulfill their favorite past time, snowmobiling. The moment finally came for Andy, a junior in high school, to go home. He rushed to his car and sped away to get home as fast as he could. When he arrived home, his father already had the truck loaded and ready to go.

"Ready to go?" Andy's father Kenny asked.

"Ready as I could ever be," Andy replied.

Both Andy and Kenny said their farewells to Andy's mom Darla, who stayed behind to take care of Andy's little sister Amber. After the goodbyes, Andy and Kenny were on their way to West Yellowstone.


Unacceptable/1:

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Macbeth

Macbeth: noble, benevolent, and loyal, King Duncan's honored subject. Macbeth's valour and bravery in battle reach the ears of King Duncan before Macbeth can even reach home.

As Macbeth and Banquo travel home, they meet three witches who propose a plan of the near future: Thane of Glamis he is, Thane of Cawdor soon to be, and King of Scotland, he will be. Worthy Banquo is not left out of the prophecies, he is told he will begat kings. Macbeth will be king, yet Banquo will father future kings?


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